The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need a beard to bite.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
