my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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