I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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