if i can run in heels then i can drive
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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