I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
