I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
