Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just threw up on my dentist
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
