I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
