Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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