he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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