I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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