My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
