Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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