you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize