now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
