Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
