The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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