i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
