k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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