Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
