You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
