he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
