Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
