Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
