Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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