I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
