Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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