suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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