i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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