So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can you bring me the toilet please
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
