sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
