i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
