everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
