Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
