I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
