1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
