Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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