Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
