He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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