I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
