Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize