Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
