I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
