i barfeds in our rink
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
