i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
