i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
