So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
