i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
