dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
