I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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