if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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