in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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