I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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