Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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