I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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