I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm going to jail i love you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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