Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
