hotel room ftw
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
