: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
