her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
