I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
