jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
