I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
