i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
