I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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